Welcome to Good Money Vibes, the podcast where millennial women in the UK transform from being bad with money to becoming financial rockstars. Are you tired of feeling lost in the world of personal finance? Do you ever think, “I’m just not good with money?” Well, fear not. You’re in the right place.
Every Thursday, we dive into the heart of money matters tailored just for you. Good Money Vibes isn’t your typical finance podcast. It’s a friendly and conversational journey into the world of money mindset, intentional spending, behavioral finance, and all things money education. I believe that being smart with money doesn’t have to be dull. It’s about understanding your financial behaviors, making purposeful decisions, and most importantly, feeling good about where your money is going. The episodes are packed with practical tips, expert insights, and relatable stories, all designed to empower you to take charge of your financial life with confidence and joy. Whether you’re sorting out your savings, tackling debt, or just curious about how to make your money work for you, Good Money Vibes is your go-to guide.
We’re not just a podcast; we’re a community. After tuning in, don’t forget to join our Money Confidence Club on Facebook. It’s a space filled with supportive women just like you, all on their journey to financial freedom. So grab a cuppa, hit play, and let’s turn those money woes into money wins. Welcome to Good Money Vibes, where good money management meets great life choices.
Hello, hello. Can you believe summer is finally here? And so is the next episode of the podcast? But I feel like last time I definitely said I’m going to be more on it. And then I was not. Life has been very busy, but we’re here, we’re back. Today, I’m going to be talking to you about money in relationships, more specifically, partnerships and romantic relationships, although this kind of applies throughout your life.
So chances are, if you’re listening to this, you are in a relationship or you’re dating or you’re interested in being in a relationship and you don’t know when is a good time to talk about money. Or if you have talked about money, maybe certain things have come up, like how do I navigate that? So yeah, that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.
The first thing we need to talk about is when you’re in a relationship, when do you talk about money? When you’re in that dating phase, when is a good time to talk about money? Now, this is a really difficult one purely because society has told us that talking about money is taboo, either because you’re going to be judged, you know, you have financial muscle, you’ve made financial mistakes which are shameful. If you have lots of money, that’s greedy. If you don’t have lots of money, it’s like, well, you don’t work hard enough or you overspend. There is no middle ground. So it can be really difficult to know when to talk about money or even just to talk about it at all.
I would say if you’re dating someone, if you’re in a relationship with someone, and you’re kind of getting to the point where you’re starting to consider settling down with them, definitely around the phase of moving in, I don’t think you can really move in with someone without fully understanding their financial situation or their relationship with money. Ideally, you’d have it long before then. Ideally, money is something that you are comfortable bringing up early on in the dating phase because, let’s be honest, around that same time, you might be asking them, “What are your life goals? What do you want from life?” Because really, you want to make sure that you’re with someone who has similar values and similar ideals in life. Maybe they want a family. Maybe you both want three or four children. Maybe you want to live in the countryside and not be living in the city. There are all sorts of things – a certain career, traveling to certain places, a certain lifestyle – all of these things require money. Everything in life requires money. So it’s important that when we’re talking about those big life goals and where you see yourself, and where you want your relationship to go with that person, it’s important to also be talking about money because you already are. You’re just kind of doing it in a roundabout way. Essentially saying, “My financial goals are to buy a house in the country, have this many children, do X, Y, Z.” They’re all financial goals, but we kind of ignore the financial part of them.
The most important thing when you’re getting to know someone and you’re getting to know maybe what their financial goals are or their life goals is also to learn potentially how they are around money. This doesn’t have to be early in the dating phase but definitely before you get into a place of real commitment with them because everyone has their own money beliefs. We also have gender gaps in our society. You want to make sure that you have certain beliefs around money that align so that you don’t end up with huge gaps in your relationship.
There is a fantastic Facebook group called Bridging the Gap Community. It’s mostly women in that group, discussing the women’s side of the relationship, although there are men. The idea of the community is for people to identify gaps within their relationship and find ways of closing those gaps. Sometimes it turns out that there aren’t ways to close gaps, and some gaps are just abuse, but it is useful to understand people’s financial beliefs because they play a huge role in household gaps.
A big one I see, and I tend to see the money-related questions in that group, are situations where the wife or female partner is taking time off work to raise children. The family did the math, and it works out better if the mum doesn’t go back to work rather than putting their child in childcare. What happens is it’s the woman’s responsibility to not only look after the children but to do all the housework, mental admin, and more because the man sees his role as providing for the family and it ends there. There are stories where the men don’t get up in the morning when their kids wake up and even spend all day gaming on weekends because they think their job is done after the workweek.
These are dramatic examples, but financial gaps can show up in more subtle ways. When to talk about money with your potential partner? Try and find out their financial goals early on. As you get to spend more time with them, start identifying how they’re spending money. Do your money behaviors complement each other, or are you both spenders, leading to financial difficulty?
If gift-giving is your love language, be aware that it is a financial one. Building awareness of how we behave with money and making educated choices with that awareness is key. When you get to the point of moving in together, be incredibly transparent with your finances. Know what your partner earns and how they spend their money. This isn’t about micromanaging but understanding each other’s relationship with money.
Being open and honest in your relationship around money is one of the most important things you can do. Financial infidelity, where you’re hiding financial mistakes or debts from your partner, can damage the relationship. If you’re not in an abusive relationship and see a future with your partner, be open about your finances. Hiding savings or income from your partner can impair your joint financial goals.
Now, let’s talk about how to split your finances when you’re in a relationship. When you move in together, you have shared bills, and it’s important that the way you split your finances is fair for both parties. Equality does not equal equity. A 50/50 split is rarely fair unless you and your partner earn exactly the same amount of money. If one partner earns more, a 50/50 split can lead to financial difficulty for the lower-earning partner.
Instead, treat household income and expenses as a whole. Calculate the total household income and expenses, then determine what percentage of the income each partner brings in. Use that percentage to split the bills so that each partner is contributing their fair share. This way, both partners are left with a similar percentage of money after expenses.
For example, if one partner earns £3000 and the other earns £2000, the total household income is £5000. If household expenses are £2000, the partner earning £3000 would contribute £1200 (60%), and the partner earning £2000 would contribute £800 (40%). This ensures that both partners are left with a fair amount of money after expenses.
Another method is combining finances. Both partners’ money goes into one account, and all household bills and joint financial goals are paid from there. The remaining money is split equally between the partners for personal spending. This method ensures that both partners have an equal amount of money for personal use.
Equality does not equal equity, and equity is what we should aim for in relationships. Being open and honest about finances and finding a fair way to split expenses is crucial for a healthy financial relationship.
I hope you found this useful. Think about your current relationship and how you can have these important financial conversations. If you’re not in a romantic relationship, consider how you handle finances with friends or family.
If you’re interested in my upcoming wealth-building program, Bloom, launching in September, join the waitlist on my website, emilynutley.co.uk. The program will help you learn about investing, create an action plan for financial goals, and start investing. It’s a six-month hybrid program with group coaching, community support, and one-on-one coaching.
Thank you for listening. Let me know if you enjoyed the podcast and if you have any topics you’d like me to cover. I’ll speak to you soon. Bye.
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