There’s a phrase making the rounds lately that’s got me raising an eyebrow: “I just struggle to hold onto money.”
If that’s something you’ve caught yourself saying, or something a coach, Instagram post, or mindset course has told you to believe… Let’s unpack it.
Because this idea of “holding” money? It sounds useful, it sounds responsible. But more often than not, it’s code for “I don’t trust myself to not spend. I’m gripping on to my money.” And honestly? From my POV? I feel like this is a scarcity problem.
First, let’s be clear: money is meant to move
There’s this idea of “if you spend money, you’re bad with money” and “if you save money, you’re good with money”. Well that’s just not true. Money is meant to move. You’re not meant to be “holding money”.
You don’t get paid just to keep your money locked up in an account forever. Money is meant to flow in and out, from one goal to the next. It’s not about hoarding. It’s about using money in ways that align with your values, lifestyle, and goals.
And yes, sometimes that looks like saving. But even savings are there to eventually be spent.
So when someone says, “I can save when I’ve got a goal, but not otherwise”? I kinda love that. That’s not a flaw. That’s exactly how it’s meant to work.
The problem isn’t that you can’t hold money… It’s that you’re not giving your money a job. And when money doesn’t have a job, it gets spent. That’s not sabotage. That’s normal.
Intention over restriction
One of the most common things I hear from clients is this:
“I was trying to save, but I didn’t really know what for, and then I dipped into it.”
Well, of course you did.
Because without a specific goal, your brain doesn’t see a reason to protect that money. It doesn’t know what you’re “holding” it for. The goal gives the saving meaning. It gives the process purpose. And it gives your brain a reason to not self-sabotage.
What about when the savings are just because?
Emergency funds, rainy day buffers, breathing room… These are all valid reasons to save, even if they don’t feel like “exciting” goals. But even then, you need to make it tangible.
- How much do you want in your buffer?
- What does safety look like to you?
- When will you know you’ve “done enough”?
Without that clarity, your savings become this vague guilt-ridden pot you’re constantly dipping into, and then judging yourself for. We don’t want any self-hatred here!
So instead of chasing the idea of being a person who can “hold money,” ask better questions:
- What am I saving for?
- What’s the plan for after I hit that goal?
- Is this desire coming from me, or from what I think I “should” be doing?
Money doesn’t stay just because you want it to
It goes where it’s told. If you’re not directing it, it will disappear… Not because you’re bad with money, but because that’s literally how money works.
There’s a psychological concept called container theory that helps here. It’s the idea that we expand to fill the space we’re given. If you get a bigger house, you’ll fill it with stuff. If you get a higher income, you’ll spend more, unless you’ve made a plan.
It’s not about discipline. It’s about awareness.
You don’t need to “hold” money to be good with it
You just need to use it with intention.
Maybe that means setting a clear savings goal.
Maybe it means spending every penny you earn, but doing so in a way that aligns with your values.
Both are valid.
You are allowed to enjoy your money. You are allowed to spend it. You are allowed to not feel guilty if your bank balance hits zero right before payday, especially if you’ve hit your goals, paid your bills, and had a good time doing it.
Let go of the myth that “holding money” equals worthiness.
It doesn’t…
Clarity and structure do. And if that’s what you want, that’s what we build inside Cashflow Confident.
If now’s the time to feel safe with your money – without needing to hoard it. I’d love to see you there.
— Emilie x
Get more practical, straight-talking money advice on my blog and podcast. Come and say hi on Instagram.
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